GRANDMA'S LITTLE HELPER

Grandma opened the door with, "Come in, you scheming little rascal", but it must have meant something different in her day because she looked at me over her half-spectacles, gave me a great big hug, a sloppy wet kiss and £10 for my savings.

---ooOoo---

I had wanted to get Grandma a birthday present, but it was so difficult to think of something that she wanted that she had not already got. It would be nice to get her something special because he always makes me feel so welcome. There are always cakes and sweets around Grandma's, and she always has another story to tell about what it was like in her day.

Then I saw posters advertising a special day out to the seaside for pensioners, and it was only £5. After school, I rushed down to the office, but the man behind the desk smiled kindly and said I had to prove I was a pensioner! I told him not to be silly, it wasn't for me, it was for my Grandma.

"Well, then you'll have to prove that she's a pensioner", he said. "Bring in her pension book or something, and I'll see what I can do."

It would be more of a surprise if she did not know what I was doing, so I told a lie. I didn't like doing it and felt very guilty. I have always been told to tell the truth. My story was that we had a project to do at school, and that we were supposed to draw something a pensioner might use. She looked a little dubious but lent me her bus pass.

"I know I don't get out much, but I don't want you to lose that. It does seem such an odd thing to ask you to do, though. Still, it was all different in my day."

Then she told me again about what it was like at school in her day. I still liked to listen to it, although I had heard it all before. It makes me feel good, and she does like to talk to someone. Grandma often says that I am the only one who really listens. I don't really remember my Grandpa, and so she must get lonely.

The day of her birthday arrived, and it worked. She was really surprised when she opened the envelope with the ticket in it.

"What a thoughtful present", she cooed at me. "So that's why you wanted my bus-pass - and of course you couldn't tell me!" I felt so relieved that my lie had not upset her.

I thought she really liked it, but afterwards, when she and Mummy were in the kitchen, I heard her say that she did not know if she would go. She would not be going with anyone she knew, and it was all day. At this time of the year, it would be quite cold on the coast. Mummy said she was sure to enjoy herself, meet new people and best of all, get out of her flat for a while, but Grandma still did not sound as if she wanted to go.

However, go she did. What's more, she really enjoyed herself. I went round the next day, and her eyes got rather misty. She looked as if she were seeing the day again. The trip was all she wanted to talk about. Her voice was laughing as she told the story.

"I got there early and sat next to a window as the coach started to fill up. Eventually, a nice man asked if he could sit next to me. I said, 'Yes', and we started chatting.

"I told him all about you and how you had conned me out of my bus pass to get my ticket. He laughed and - a funny thing - when I told him where you go to school, it turns out he lives in the big house next door. Isn't that odd?

"He then told me about his grandchildren, and they sound almost as lovely as you. His name is Norman, and he has just retired from running a small business which makes chocolate teddies. His eldest daughter has now taken over, so he is going to enjoy himself. He came on this trip in the hope of meeting other people.

"We got to the coast at about 12 and were told to be back at 3pm sharp. We walked along the seafront to a little restaurant that Norman knew. I had fresh fish and chips - on a plate. We wrote some postcards and posted them to you and his grandchildren. Then we wandered slowly back along the front to catch the coach back home.

" Halfway back, we suddenly realised that the time had passed rather quicker than we thought. It was about twenty past by the time we got to the car park. We were just in time to see the coach pull out!

"Whilst I was worried, Norman thought this funny. I thought he would hurt himself laughing. I must have looked worried, too, because he put an arm around my shoulder and suggested we find the station. He seemed to think it was a bit of an adventure. We probably got home before they did."

"Are you going to see him again?" I asked with a grin.

"You cheeky little monkey! No, I'll probably never see him again, but we did have a nice day, though," and then she sighed.

It was a couple of days before I found time to go round to Grandma's again. I rang the bell. I was quite shocked when the door opened immediately. Grandma stood there holding a carnation and a card. Her face was very red, and I thought she must be ill.

"Are you all right, Grandma?" I asked and guided her indoors to her favourite chair.

"I'm fine, just fine ... Did you see anyone on the stairs?" I shook my head. Then, after a deep breath, she explained.

"Just before you arrived, there was a ring at the door. I thought it was you, so I took my time answering. When I opened the door, there wasn't anyone there, but I found this carnation on the mat and this note."

She passed me the note. It was typed and read, "Meet me tomorrow, 11am in McDonalds. Norman".

"Who's Norman?" I asked before thinking.

"I suppose it's that nice man on the coach the other day. His name was Norman, but how did he find out where I live? I never told him."

"Are you going?" I asked.

"Well, I don't really know." Then she giggled like one of the girls at school. "Do you think I should?"

I put on my best grown-up voice. "Oh, yes. I think that will be all right - as long as you're not out too late."

---ooOoo---

She said he was there when she arrived, they chatted for a few hours and then agreed to meet again. Slowly, they met more and more often and today they are getting married. So, when I rang her bell to help, I was quite surprised to be called a scheming little rascal.

"What do you mean, Grandma?" I asked when she let go of me.

"Norman and I went out for a meal last night. We know it's supposed to be unlucky, but it seemed right for us. Then we got chatting about that first meeting. He said he couldn't have sent the note because he did not know where I lived. He also wondered why I had typed the note and chosen McDonald's. We sat there in silence for a moment before we both worked out the answer at the same time - and you are a scheming little rascal."

William Safire's Rules for Writers